I was going to ask you to fill in the blank, but as I do have an agenda here I will offer you alternatives instead. You may have seen that popular bumper sticker exhorting you to commit random acts of kindness and it is certainly something I would endorse as it helps your psychological wellbeing and benefits another at the same time. Indeed I do what I can on a regular basis and, not surprisingly if you believe in karma and good intention, I get back lots of random kindness in return. I always notice, and am grateful, so if it isn’t something that you automatically do then try building it into your daily schedule and notice the result.

The key word here is notice, because the pace of life for many of means we simply do not see where such a small act would be appreciated. As simple as picking up a toy dropped from a pram or helping lift a heavy shopping bag into a car for someone – and never, ever, parking in a disabled space unless you are entitled to – are all good places to start.

It is all about what Swiss philosopher Eckhart Tolle calls ‘The Power of Now’ and living only in the moment as it presents itself, not in the future projecting what ‘might’ be or reflecting back on the past and what ‘could have been different. It is what the Buddhists refer to as mindfulness, just paying attention and really allowing yourself to be fully present wherever you are and whoever you are with. When you do that you will see many opportunities to practice those random acts, and just allow yourself to do what you can.

But I told you I had an alternative, and this is something I came across on one of the many discussion boards I visit when looking for news on health and personal development. This suggested that you perform not random acts of kindness, but random acts of kick arse – pardon the language. My initial reaction was amused shock, but on reflection I wondered if it was not such a bad idea. Not a physical kick, but a mental one to shake up a situation or get yourself moving.

In the belief that all change starts with ourselves, can I suggest you look at where in your life you need to give yourself that mental or emotional prod – kick might be a bit too violent, but you will know what’s needed! It is something I use with coaching clients, particularly when dealing with procrastination, as it borrows from the principle of tough love.

I studied many years ago with the shamanic dance guru Gabrielle Roth who was an expert in doling this out. Once after a particularly gruelling emotional session I collapsed into tears and she came and crouched next to me. She didn’t ask what was wrong but fixed me with a deep dark stare and asked what I needed. I hiccupped through my tears that it was too hard and I wanted some kindness and compassion to get me through.

I have never forgotten her response which was to smile at me and say ‘you don’t always get what you want, but you do get what you need’. Paraphrasing of the Rolling Stones didn’t impress me and I wailed louder and took myself of to sulk, which I was international level champion at the time.

And yet, she was right and was echoed years later when I studied with Chris James, a great bear of a man who is an amazing natural voice teacher. In a group with him one woman was struggling as he gently urged her to use her voice so we could hear her. She too started to cry and as is the way in all new age groups gentle hands reached out to pat and comfort her when they were startled back by his firm but clear admonition of ‘no damned hugging’.

Indignant at this forceful Australian and his manner, most looked shocked but he added ‘she needs to find her voice and use it, not have it smothered in kindness so she yet again doesn’t have to face why she isn’t doing it’.

Wow, point taken. So no more indulging of that ‘thing’ you are avoiding. Give it a kick in the arse and see what happens – or if you really can’t do that ask a really good friend for an honest opinion on what they would give you a prod about – it might surprise you.