The key word here is notice, because the pace of life for many of means we simply do not see where such a small act would be appreciated. As simple as picking up a toy dropped from a pram or helping lift a heavy shopping bag into a car for someone – and never, ever, parking in a disabled space unless you are entitled to – are all good places to start.

It is all about what Swiss philosopher Eckhart Tolle calls ‘The Power of Now’ and living only in the moment as it presents itself, not in the future projecting what ‘might’ be or reflecting back on the past and what ‘could have been different. It is what the Buddhists refer to as mindfulness, just paying attention and really allowing yourself to be fully present wherever you are and whoever you are with. When you do that you will see many opportunities to practice those random acts, and just allow yourself to do what you can.

But I told you I had an alternative, and this is something I came across on one of the many discussion boards I visit when looking for news on health and personal development. This suggested that you perform not random acts of kindness, but random acts of kick arse – pardon the language. My initial reaction was amused shock, but on reflection I wondered if it was not such a bad idea. Not a physical kick, but a mental one to shake up a situation or get yourself moving.

In the belief that all change starts with ourselves, can I suggest you look at where in your life you need to give yourself that mental or emotional prod – kick might be a bit too violent, but you will know what’s needed! It is something I use with coaching clients, particularly when dealing with procrastination, as it borrows from the principle of tough love.

I studied many years ago with the shamanic dance guru Gabrielle Roth who was an expert in doling this out. Once after a particularly gruelling emotional session I collapsed into tears and she came and crouched next to me. She didn’t ask what was wrong but fixed me with a deep dark stare and asked what I needed. I hiccupped through my tears that it was too hard and I wanted some kindness and compassion to get me through.

I have never forgotten her response which was to smile at me and say ‘you don’t always get what you want, but you do get what you need’. Paraphrasing of the Rolling Stones didn’t impress me and I wailed louder and took myself of to sulk, which I was international level champion at the time.

And yet, she was right and was echoed years later when I studied with Chris James, a great bear of a man who is an amazing natural voice teacher. In a group with him one woman was struggling as he gently urged her to use her voice so we could hear her. She too started to cry and as is the way in all new age groups gentle hands reached out to pat and comfort her when they were startled back by his firm but clear admonition of ‘no damned hugging’.

Indignant at this forceful Australian and his manner, most looked shocked but he added ‘she needs to find her voice and use it, not have it smothered in kindness so she yet again doesn’t have to face why she isn’t doing it’.

Wow, point taken. So no more indulging of that ‘thing’ you are avoiding. Give it a kick in the arse and see what happens – or if you really can’t do that ask a really good friend for an honest opinion on what they would give you a prod about – it might surprise you.

But just what brings up that anxiety? One theory was that was caused by a chemical imbalance or distorted thinking, but new evidence seems to show it is caused by having a creative intellect.

In general this means having the mental facility to generate, both consciously and subconsciously, complex scenarios in the creative area of the brain. It seems that every anxiety sufferer has this mental resource which can be utilized consciously to produce creative ability or subconsciously by the autonomic nervous system to identify potential risks and initiates the flight or fight response if needed.

This means that under stress anxiety levels rise the anxiety response releases a series of thought processes which provide a ‘risk assessment’ asking ‘what if?’ and uses the sensory organs to collect data and respond with the appropriate course of action. When we are anxious we have physical signs such as breathlessness, or ‘butterflies’ for actors it manifests as stage fright, for writers it can be seen in writer’s block or displacement activity.

My suggestion is you embrace the anxiety and see it as a validation of how creative you are and choose to use that energy in a productive way. When I talk about stress I use the example of fear and excitement having the same physical responses in the body. You are going to experience the same symptoms, so choose to be excited and use it to inspire you to create.

Let me know if this works for you and what you created out of it.

He said “When I was younger I was more concerned with hope.  Now I think it’s a waste of time and energy. You have to do what you can do.  Hope is not something you can aspire to.  It’s something you have to create.” 

At the age of 67, Barenboim has a different view on hope from when he was younger.  I absolutely believe in hope; it’s the light at the end of the tunnel that draws us forward, but he’s right about creating it.  If you sit in the dark and despair you will not see the light.  If you look forward in hope your intention will create a beacon to light the way, but what ignites it is you stepping forward and taking action.

At the risk of sounding like my old English teacher, discuss – and let me know what you think!

“May today there be peace within.

May you trust that you are exactly where
you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are
born of faith in yourself and others.

May you use the gifts that you have
received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.”

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right.

Love the ones who don’t just because you can.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it changes your life, let it.

Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly.

God never said life would be easy.

S/He just promised it would be worth it.

If you know who originally wrote this, please let me know.

 Short Story Radio was founded in 2006 by Ian Skillicorn as an online showcase for writers and to broadcast quality recordings of short stories to an international audience via the website.  Since its launch Short Story Radio has had close to 200,000 visitors and has showcased the work of best selling novelists and acclaimed television scriptwriters, as well as previously unpublished writers. 

They also have links with many literary organisations and writers, including the New Writing Partnership, and have collaborated with award winning short story writer Sue Moorcroft  to produce a series of short stories specifically for over 20 hospital radio stations around the UK. 

This year they were awarded a grant from the Arts Council to record twenty new short stories for the website and podcast.  Five of these stories are already online, with more becoming available in the coming months. 

To listen to short stories go to www.shortstoryradio.com  and if you are planning on submitting to them, remember that not all short stories work well as spoken pieces.

John Fox is a certified poetry therapist, author, and associate professor at the California Institute for Integral Studies and in early 2005, he formed The Institute for Poetic Medicine, a non organization dedicated to healing body, mind and spirit through the creative and therapeutic process of hearing and writing poetry. You will find their site interesting and well worth a visit so pop over to http://www.poeticmedicine.com/ but not before you have read this lovely poem of John Fox’s about the power of deep listening – which is the basis of any good therapy, or indeed any relationship.

Finding What You Didn’t Lose – John Fox

When someone deeply listens to you

it is like holding out a dented cup

you’ve had since childhood

 and watching it fill up with cold, fresh water.

When it balances on top of the brim, you are understood.

When it overflows and touches your skin, you are loved.

When someone deeply listens to you, the room where you stay

starts a new life and the place where you wrote your first poem

begins to glow in your mind’s eye.

It is as if gold has been discovered!

When someone deeply listens to you,

your bare feet are on the earth and

a beloved land that seemed distant is

now at home within you.

Every day on average there are 3,000 people who cannot find a sufficient reason for going on with their lives.  That figure just refers to the ‘successful’ suicides because for every person who dies there are at least 20 or more who make the attempt. 
 

No culture is exempt though it seems that indigenous communities, particularly in developed countries, are disproportionately affected by suicides.   The highest risk group is men over age 85, most frequently widowers, because they often have no social support.  

What makes people take that final step? It is hard to hold on to life when you can see no future, or not one that seems to offer hope and comfort. Our belief in ourselves and our ability to make our future what we want it to be gets impaired.  Low self esteem, poor sense of our value to ourselves and to others all come into play of course but for me it seems the overwhelming thing that strikes me is a lack of belief in the future.

We are living in challenging times, when perhaps you would think the suicide rate would rise but in fact people commit suicide less during major crises like economic meltdown and war.  Why? Is it because the circumstances force an external reason for living that seems to overwhelm our own private concerns?

Certainly one factor that has been shown to increase the numbers is sensational media reports on suicide.  Apparently, there is a tendency for increased suicides within the following weeks by people who identify with the victim who got publicized for the act.
What are they identifying with?  A life that is similar to their own, or seeing a way out that perhaps they had not considered?  I am asking a lot of questions here and of course we all have our own personal answers.

One of the things I learned when I studied with Eric Maisel to be a creativity coach was that life has to have meaning. No dissent there, but what I found harder to reconcile was his view that the meaning in your life is the meaning you give it.  You are the one who takes that decision, not external factors or the views of your friends or family though too often we rely on what others tell us about ourselves rather than taking the more difficult route of looking into the mirror and seeing the person who is really there.  Not the image we present, but the reality at a soul level of what we stand for, what we hope for and what we want to create in our life.  

It’s about asking ourselves the difficult questions:

What do I contribute to my life and to others?

When am I willing to live all of me to the full?

Who am I in the deepest moments of my soul?

It reminds me of that phrase which I believe is from the Gnostic Gospels (and please tell me if you know the exact source) that so resonated with me when first read it that I could only see it through a veil of my own disappointed tears:

“If you bring out that which is in you, that which is in you will save you.

If you do not bring out that which is in you, that which is in you will destroy you.”

I feel that suicide is the ultimate way of deciding not to bring out the glory and talent that lies within all of us. 

What do you think?

Now I agree with keeping it simple in principle – but calling me stupid isn’t going to help tackle procrastination. I prefer a much kinder, and more effective way of thinking of it thmental problems that procrastinators face – that of being overwhelmed – so that is what I use:

Keep

Implementing

Small

Steps

Every part of that is an essential tool to dealing with procrastination. Whatever it is you are procrastinating about, I promise it will be easier to tackle if you just follow those four simple instructions. Whatever the issue, if you can look at it as a series of small, achievable, actions you are on the way to overcoming your procrastination.

Keep is the first part and what does it mean? Well it means keep going, or keep repeating an action. Do something to move your project forward, and keep on doing it. No stopping after just one attempt, by all means rest and recoup if it has proved difficult but the key lies in consistently addressing yourself to the problem.

Implementing is straightforward enough; thinking of how to overcome your procrastination is all very well but it is action that will move you forward. I know how easy it is to get seduced into thinking over your options and debating what you ought to do. That’s great, but you actually have to do it! To quote the immortal Elvis ‘a little less talk and a lot more action’ needs to be your motto.

Small is another key word that will help you be successful in tackling procrastination. Not actions that are so huge you can’t get them done in one session, or are so numerous you get exhausted just thinking about which one to do first.

I will let you into a secret; it doesn’t matter which action you decide to do first, as long as it is small, manageable and you do it. Most procrastinators tend to see the project as a giant mountain they have to move in one go; reality is if you take a shovelful at a time it will get moved. Yes, it takes longer, but not nearly as long as if you never start to move that earth.

Steps are where you catch up with Keep; in other words one step at a time will get you there and you keep on making them! The simplest way to do this is to write a checklist of the actions that need to be done, and put “Write checklist” down as the first item and keep it limited to items you can do on that day. When you have done your list cross that line out because you have done it! You are already on your way and taken action.

Even the longest and most difficult task only consists of a series of smaller tasks, which if you see them as small steps will be are easily achievable. They may be small steps individually, but they are a giant step for a procrastinator!